Happy Mother’s Day!
On Mother’s Day, I think it’s fun to capture exactly where I’m at on this motherhood journey. Looking back, I wished I’d done this when they were smaller. I wished I’d written about the complete exhaustive fog I was in when they were babies and how much joy I got when they smiled at me and grabbed my finger tightly with their little hands. How my babies gave me hope to go on, to keep fighting my life. But now I’m here; I’m a mother with a 9 yr old, a 7 yr old, and a 4 yr old; all daughters, beautiful daughters.
So the hard parts, because they’re beautiful too….
One of the downfalls of homeschooling is I begin to want to avoid my children, being around them 24/7, I crave breaks, I hide away in my books and computer, I get way too excited for an hour alone. I imagine mothers who spend the day working away from their children look forward to seeing them at the end of the day and catching up. They run into each other’s arms joyfully wishing they’d never parted, but I know this is not true, they probably struggle to love also.
I’m finally getting plenty of sleep at night. One of my homeschool teaching strategies was to make my children bored, so they would have to depend upon creativity to get themselves through the day. This sometimes works, but often, they end up following me around and wanting to talk all the time because they don’t know what to do with themselves. So I end up telling them to go find something to do, it makes them sad and I feel bad about it.
We are on the verge of the next phase of parenthood, the time when your kids become interested in life, and you do whatever you can to support them. Driving them to clubs, to friends’ homes, inviting friends’ over. We are almost out of the snuggly, stay home phase where you are too exhausted to go anywhere and everyone is asleep by 7 pm, so you wouldn’t go anywhere anyway. Our kids’ are aching to get involved in the world around them, and I’m not sure what the best way of doing this is. I know many people sign their kids up for all kinds of organizations, it makes me want to send them to public school, but that has some big disadvantages. We need a large social group that is willing to hang out and do productive things with my children. I’m thinking 4-H, or maybe I could start my own homeschool co-op?
My oldest daughter has almost outgrown me. She is so beautiful. She really wants to be funny and she is not a natural comedian at all, so we’ve been working on appropriate humor and I try not to get mad at her when she insults someone because she’s trying to tell a joke, I try re-direction instead. She is naturally gifted in hospitality and gave me the most special birthday party the other day. She spent hours making me a gift and setting up the moment so I would feel loved. She succeeded. She is almost bigger than me, but still wants to crawl into my lap and be held. I love that she still wants to do this, but I have to tell her no sometimes because it’s so awkward. I hope she never stops asking and we continue being awkward our entire lives.
My middle daughter is quiet and independent, she often gets forgotten. She is also incredibly selfless, she will give her stuff away without hesitation and whenever someone is sad, will do whatever is necessary to help her. I feel protective of her because she doesn’t do anything to protect herself. She lives life by giving everything each day. She plays and runs hard until she crashes, then I have to pick her up and make sure she’s eaten enough food for the day, or give her mandatory rest if she’s surrounded by people because there’s nothing left in her to give. When she is on the verge of a crash, watch out, she can have a temper. She hasn’t figured out gentle ways of finding space or boundaries….will have to work on that.
My youngest, so precious. She is still always requiring my attention, needing help to get her cereal, her clothes on, to buckle her seatbelt. I’m beginning to get tastes of what life will be like when I’m not needed constantly. It’s exciting. But I do love her chatter, she will crawl onto my lap as soon as I sit down, and tell me all her thoughts, or she will just sit. She follows #2 around everywhere and they are good playmates at this stage. They jump on the trampoline, play with dolls, play games, legos, restaurant, play with the dog…..they stay incredibly busy with pretend play.
I think a lot about filling my children. Filling their minds with good things; scripture, prayer, good stories, songs, grace, truth. I’m hoping roots will grow deep, and when I let them go on their own later, they will have a strong foundation for life.
“How can it be a large career to tell other people’s children about the Rule of Three, and a small career to tell one’s own children about the universe?
How can it be broad to be the same thing to everyone, and narrow to be everything to someone? No. A woman’s function is laborious, but because it is gigantic, not because it is minute. I will pity Mrs. Jones for the hugeness of her task; I will never pity her for its smallness.”
― G.K. Chesterton
note: both my bathroom sinks are full of mud at the moment from kids playing outside barefoot then coming in and washing their feet in the sink.